just dessert

she was his icon
she was his dreamjust dessert
he had his eye on
this vision in cream

she was bananas
he was hot fudge
sure he was nuts
and she carried a grudge
(that’s a calorie over his limit)
but he was addicted,
he was her fool,
and that’s just dessert these days,
innit?

 

~~~~~~~~
© 2016 kStan(ly) Lanning
Daily Post – dream
but it also wants to part of the
Daily Post – carry

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12 thoughts on “just dessert

  1. Clever and funny. I laughed out loud at the end – the word play around fool and just dessert is great. Plus the short sharp last question (rhymes with limit?). On the downside, the line in brackets seems clumsy. Are you OK with it. Write and tell me that “sure im nuts” lol

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    1. Trust me, I am my own biggest critic, so sure I am ok with it (sure I’m nuts), or I wouldn’t have posted it at all. I would have written “isn’t it” as “innit” but I wasn’t sure readers would get it right.

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      1. I like “innit”
        I hope I’m not annoying you here by pursuing the calorie line again but I feel that by getting in to the nuts and bolts of your poem I might learn something. It’s nice for me to engage on this level. So many comments are so superficial. It’s good to get a pat on the back of course, but this forum could be more…
        My suggestion is this: “she was a calorie over his limit” or maybe even up the stakes for the poor addict, exaggerate “she oozed calories, way over his limit”. That doesn’t scan as well but…
        You write good poems and you’re so quick! Tell me to f**k off if you want or better still, just ignore me.
        Nicholas
        PS I read at an open mic poetry night on Monday, first time ever. If you haven’t tried it, I recommend giving it a go.

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        1. OK, since “innit” is in dictionary.com people can look it up if they don’t get it…I changed it.

          The grudge part is double – the grudge itself adds the one calorie that makes her a dangerous dish; and “grudge” becomes the word that defines that one extra calorie.

          As for the rest, it’s kind of tricky. I would suggest if you do this with others you do it non-publicly- write the nice stuff in your viewable comment, the critique either in a separate comment leading with something like *not for posting* or by contacting the person through their contact page… some folks could definitely take offence and view it as an effort to rewrite their work… like telling a painter “well, it’s nice but, I think a little more blue over there”. As for me, I enjoy that you challenge me to know my s**t, as it were. You’re making me think more about it than I normally would, especially for something like this one, which was a throwaway poem from a “freebase” session (that’s what I call it when I just spend time with pen to paper or fingers to keys and let come what may) – and you remind me that even a nonsense poem, maybe especially, needs to be taken seriously by the writer.

          I don’t think I could do open mic nights, like when I was a performer i couldn’t do amateur shows. it just makes me uncomfortable. What did you like about it?

          I’d like to know what you think of my late-yesterday post, “*Stephen” if you get a chance.

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    1. ok things are falling down in my living room now, i have to stop jumping up and down. thanks so much! next week is my first full month on wp and it’s been just the best experience so far. i’m having so much fun.

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      1. i know! I just started my blog this year as well, and when I got an email saying I got my first follower, I just left a Skype video call and started jumping up and down in my house! And the next day I couldn’t thinking about it at school too.
        It’s nice to know it’s not just me. 😉

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        1. If you note the date at the bottom of each one, they’re not all new. I’ve been doing this a long time, just never found the right venue for it before. So some are my “classics” that people who knew me at various points know and some are brand new or from recent years. a lot of the post-youth ones are written, i think that’s conveyed in them, when i am bored to tears at work.

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